im about as happy as oj after his trial
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
