Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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