He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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