And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
