People with herpes should wear stickers.
My balls are so social today.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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