I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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