well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
