I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
