Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
