I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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