Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
