How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
