i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
