If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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