i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize