You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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