I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
