i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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