Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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