Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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