piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
