my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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