Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
