sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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