Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize