So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
