what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
