Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
