my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
