you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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