i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Soap is not a condiment
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
