....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
