The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish i was in the wii world.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
