i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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