She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
