me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
