Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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