I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have post one night stand depression
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
