If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
