is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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