I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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