I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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