My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
