Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
