Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
