I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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