So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
