very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
