Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
