his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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