So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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