This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
