you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
