Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
