he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
