Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
