She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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