i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
