pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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