The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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