I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
