We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
