I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
