That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I could make wine with my vomit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
