just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
