Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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