the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
