ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
