I think i peed on brittanys purse
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
