I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wear drunk well.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
