I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
