Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
