And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
