you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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