My Higher Power is John Stamos
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
