so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
