My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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