I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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